Phoenix Education

Goals

Here I am in Oman and it is the start of Ramadan. This is an opportunity to set some new goals and achieve them!

One of my current habits is to wander across to my favourite Bar/Restaurant and have a few beers, and sometimes order Prawn Noodles, which is one of the chef’s best dishes. I probably do this three or four times a week. As a result the muffin top has grown! And I want to get rid of it. Actually in England we call it a beer belly!

During Ramadan they are not allowed to serve alcohol, which is a bonus for me on my goal. Plus this year they have decided to shut down completely for renovations. So, my first goal is to lose weight – I am looking to shed between 5kg and 10kg – more would be a bonus. I think this is a reasonable goal and it is achieveable. I did it once before, though my lifestyle here has allowed the weight to creep back!

My second goal is to become more consistent with contributions to my blogs. I am starting here, with a series of posts about setting and achieving Goals!!! This is for my business blog ‘Phoenix Education’. My other blog is an outlet for my creative writing, and includes excerpts from my books, jokes, cartoons and funny real life stories.

So here we go – check out each day this week for more ‘Goals’.

End of the year

I know I’ve been away for a while. I had quite a health scare when I was on holiday in Turkey in August. It turns out my heart was damaged when I had Covid in 2021 when I was living in Azerbaijan. Fortunately, the hospital saved my life when they discovered my body had built up an excess of 7 litres of fluid in my ankles and lungs.

They saved my life with a week in ICU.

I found this post on Daily motivation website. It made me feel grateful for surviving the year.

“Even when things seem impossible and it feels like there is no way out, you have to hold the space for hope.

The idea of having faith in a reality that doesn’t yet exist may seem a little crazy.

But is it really that far-fetched?

So much potential lies in the void of the unknown.

Beautiful possibilities can emerge out of nothingness.

Be open to the likelihood of amazing experiences unfolding in many different, unexpected ways.

Beautiful surprises and powerful breakthroughs are waiting for you.”

Merry Christmas and have a fabulous New Year.

Micro-Habits You Can Start Today for a Happier Life

Ask anyone what they desire in life, and more often than not, the answer comes back as some variation of “be happier.” The pursuit of happiness has been around since time began, the topic being a discussion point since the days of Plato and Socrates.

Is happiness truly so hard to find?

Thankfully happiness is a lot simpler than most people think. By creating some new micro-habits in your life, not only will you be happier, but the people around you will likewise start feeling those same warm fuzzies. Where do you begin?

1. Start your day off right. When you wake up, think of something for which you’re thankful. By beginning in gratitude, you set your mind in a positive place before you even get out of bed.

2. Follow-up with a morning routine that inspires. Listen to a podcast over breakfast, read a chapter out of an inspirational book, listen to music that makes your heart soar, take time for yoga or meditation. Embrace whatever you need to do to launch yourself into the day feeling upbeat and inspired.

3. Stay in the moment. Rather than get caught up in the trials and tribulations of the day ask yourself where you are right now. Turn off the electronics and take a moment to breathe. Find that inner calm, and remind yourself that right now, right here, you are OK. Focus on what’s in front of you and let the future go.

4. Listen more. By taking the time to listen to what someone else has to say, both of you benefit. Listening is what leads to genuine intimacy and deeper relationships, and makes the person doing the talking feel a surge of happiness of their own.

5. Sharpen your saw. The old story goes that a man walking through the woods sees someone laboring mightily to cut down a tree. As he watches, he points out that the process would go much faster if the woodcutter were to sharpen his saw. The woodcutter replies, “I realize that, but I don’t have time to stop.” By stopping to sharpen your saw – resting and recharging – you’re capable of so much more later on. Take breaks that give energy back not only to your body but your mind.

6. Hang around, happy people. We’re affected deeply by the mood of those around us. By gravitating toward people who make us feel good, we help our mood.

7. Take care of yourself. It’s hard to feel happy if you’re not feeling well. Micro habits work particularly well here. Drink more water. Get up and stretch. Add more leafy greens to your diet. Whatever you choose, know that you’re benefitting more than your body, but also your mind.

There are many ways to find happiness. While you may start with this list, be sure to explore ideas of your own. Remember, you don’t have to do great big sweeping things to change your attitude – just practicing small micro-habits is enough to change your life positively.

The 3 Fundamentals of Self-Kindness

In talking about the importance of kindness, it’s easy to forget that you have to start with being kind to yourself. How does it feel to hear that? Maybe it makes you uncomfortable. After all, you were probably brought up to think of others first, to be unselfish, to put your own needs behind other people’s.

But having real compassion means that you treat yourself the same way as you would a friend who was suffering.

There are three fundamental elements of building compassion and learning self-kindness.

Letting go of self-judgment

Listen to your self-talk for a moment. How are you feeling about the whole idea of self-kindness? Many people have a negative mixtape inside their heads that is full of judgment and self-criticism aimed at themselves. A negative loop that uses words they would never dream of saying to other people.

Developing self-compassion means letting go of perfectionism. It means being okay with making mistakes and even embracing failure.

Self-kindness acknowledges that life is full of ups and downs and that going through hard times isn’t necessarily someone’s fault. By accepting the reality of life and letting go of self-judgment, you will find calm and understanding.

Accepting that it’s not just you

One of the worst aspects of going through a tough time is feeling that you’re alone in your suffering. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that being human means being imperfect and vulnerable. Bad times come and bad times go, and you’ll make it through. It happens to everyone because it’s part of the human condition.

So, take a deep breath, take a step back, and treat yourself gently until the storm has passed.

Seeking a middle ground

It can be tempting to fall into negativity when things don’t go your way. But try taking a mindful approach that acknowledges your feelings but doesn’t over-identify with them. Wallowing in your unhappiness or beating yourself up is unhelpful.

Mindfulness means taking a step back and observing what is happening without getting caught up in the emotions, or at the other end of the scale, trying to suppress or deny what you’re feeling.

Acknowledge your emotions and the situation you find yourself in, but also find some perspective. Consider what is happening in your life and compare your experience to what is happening in the world.

To develop genuine compassion, you must acknowledge your own pain and come from a place of acceptance for yourself so that you can offer it to other people.

5 Creative Ways to Calm a Chaotic Mind

Do you ever feel like you can’t escape your mind? Maybe it’s always spinning out of control, or perhaps you have a lot of thoughts. A lot of people experience chaos in their own minds, and this can make things difficult when you’re trying to work toward your goals. The next time your mind is filled with confusion, try one of these five creative ways to alleviate the stress.

1. Keep it Busy

There’s a delicate balance between keeping your mind busy without overcrowding it. It’s one thing to occupy your mind so it doesn’t wander, but it’s a whole different ball game when you start stressing out about endless to-do lists and information overload. Try to write 3-5 things you want to accomplish every day — and be sure to add at least one thing that is purely for fun. This will keep your mind busy without getting you too stressed.

2. Help Others

When was the last time you extended a helping hand to someone who needs it? Our brains tend to calm down when we’re in “helper mode” because the focus is on others rather than our own problems or stresses.

3. Pick up a Creative Hobby

We all have a creative side, whether it’s deep down or you’re continually flexing your creative muscles. Picking up a creative hobby gives your brain a nice, healthy break from the usual grind. Plus, it allows you to expand your intelligence with new forms of thinking. Win-win!

4. Care for your Physical Being

The mind and bodywork hand in hand a lot, so if you aren’t caring for your physical being, you may notice some stress going on in your head. Take time to care for your body — work out more, take a walk, draw a bath, or snooze your alarm clock. There are lots of ways to reenergize your body so that you can take on more in your mind!

5. Connect with Others

Helping others and connecting with other people are two totally different things, but both are essential aspects of cultivating an active, healthy mind. As humans, we need socialization. We thrive when we are part of a tribe. We crave human interaction time, so get out there and get social! Every laugh and bit of chatter will feed your mind in countless ways. Call a friend and have lunch in the park. It doesn’t have to be a big production, since the goal is simple human connection.

The 3 W’s of Reaching Any Goal

You have a goal in mind, but that’s all you have. Creating, working towards, and reaching goals is not easy. The journey is often different for everyone. However, there are three parts of achieving every goal that is always the same. Defining the 3 W’s of your goal will allow you to work toward it without losing sight of the big picture.

What

What do you want? What is your goal? You need to be specific: I want to run a half marathon. I want to write a novel. Explicitly, naming your goal and writing it out will give power to it and will allow you to mentally focus in on what you are trying to achieve. Clearly defined goals are easier to work towards. Writing out your target has the added benefit of making the goal “real,” as opposed to a foggy idea floating in your mind.

When

When do you want to achieve your goal? What is your timeframe? Once you have an overall time frame, you can dive into the milestones that you will need to hit along the way and put time limits on those. Doing this will give you benchmarks on which you can measure your progress. Measuring your progress in increments will also keep your spirits up when you are in the muck of the middle. You will be able to look back and say, “I’m halfway there.”

Why

Why is this your goal? Why do you want to do it? Your why is your everything. Your reasoning should be personal and not something you will be easily swayed from. If you’re going to run a half marathon merely for the glory, you may want to dig a little deeper. Running a half isn’t easy, and in the middle of every training session, it will just be you and your legs. Having a strong why will also come in handy when you lack external support. Having a reliable support system of family and friends makes achieving any goal easier, but sometimes you won’t have that backing.

You have your what, your when, and your why. Write down each of these and revisit the W’s when times get tough. You should especially revisit your why daily. It will remind you why you started, why you are continuing, and what awaits you at the end of your long journey. Setting and achieving goals is not for the weak of heart, but if your heart is in it, the process will be much less daunting.

5 Tips for Reminding Yourself of Your Worth Fast

Are you not having a good day? We all falter sometimes. All it takes is a little unasked-for criticism or someone just treating us harshly to trigger us into a spiral of negative self-talk and anxiety about not being liked.

When you need to remind yourself of your worth fast, it’s good to have some ideas in mind. Try these quick tips for getting yourself back on track even when life seems out of control.

Go into a Judgement-Free Zone

OK, so your thoughts aren’t what you wish they would be. You know you’re in a depressing cycle. Your emotions are all over the place, and you’re starting to hit critical mass when it comes to criticism. You already know you’re not supposed to be reacting this way. So to make your awful day a little bit worse, you start beating yourself up for how you’re treating yourself. This is entirely the wrong approach. Your first step must be to stop the negative spiral. Drop the judgment. Accept you’re having a bad day. This moment doesn’t have to define you. With these thoughts firmly in mind, it’s time to let things go.

Drop the ‘Should’

Why are you caught up thinking about ‘should’ anyway? The moment you start using this particularly devilish little word, you’re telling yourself what a failure you are. You have become caught up in a vortex of perfectionism; you can’t possibly escape. ‘Should’ never helps anybody. Erase it from your vocabulary.

Stop Looking for Validation

Anytime you think someone else can give you what you need to feel good about yourself, you’re going to be disappointed. People will let you down. Even in the best relationship, it’s not healthy to use someone else to define who you are. This kind of thinking can be dangerous. What if the person you relied upon was no longer in your life? How would this then impact your self-worth?

Come to Terms with the Past

It’s time to separate your actions from yourself. When you make a mistake, acknowledge the error and move on. To get caught into shame or guilt only hurts you in the long run. There is nothing to be gained by victimizing yourself. Forgive yourself and move on.

Know Where You Excel

For a super-quick fix to your self-worth, take a moment to list off the things in which you excel. Acknowledge your accomplishments. A close examination of all the things which make you proud should give you a solid reminder you are indeed worthy.

By paying attention to these five areas, you can quickly restore your self-worth. The key is to be alert and move quickly to head off negative thoughts before they undo all the hard work you’ve already put into yourself.

Using Positive Affirmations to Combat Stress

Many people use affirmations for personal development and to help them meet their life goals. But did you know you can use affirmations to build resilience and combat stress?

Whether it’s a one-off stress like having to give a presentation or an ongoing stressful issue, you can create the right affirmations to support you through. Affirmations will help you deal better with current stress, and over time, prevent future anxiety.

Know Your Negative Enemy

Identifying your negative thoughts is the first step in working out the best affirmations for you and your situation.

Take a moment to think of all the beliefs that come up when you think about your stressful event. Do you worry about not knowing what to say at a party, or freezing while you try to give a presentation? Write down every negative thought that pops into your head. Make the conscious decision to move away from those negative beliefs.

Turn the Negatives into Positives

Now you have your list of negative thoughts; you can take each one and turn it into a positive. Make strong positive statements and remind yourself of times in the past when you coped well in similar situations.

When you develop your affirmations, tie them back to times when you have succeeded in the past. If you can’t think of any, ask your partner, friend, or colleague to help you. Likely they’ll have a much more positive view of your skills and achievements than you do!

Write down some encouraging phrases to get you through, like ‘I’m feeling stressed, but I will be ok,’ ‘I can do this,’ ‘When this is over, I will be so proud of myself.’

Keep Your Affirmations Realistic

Affirmations are not magic. Keep your affirmations in proportion to what you can do and how you feel. If they are too ambitious, they can make you feel more anxious than before. And if you have a misstep or you fail, then you’ll feel even worse than before.

Maybe you get anxious about public speaking, whether it’s giving a presentation or having a job interview. Your affirmations will help you even more if you know you have done everything possible to be prepared.

If you worry about getting stage fright or going blank, prepare every aspect of your speech or presentation. Remind yourself that you know how to do this, you know your subject.

Anticipate what might go wrong and work out strategies to prevent or deal with it, from having spare notes in case the technology fails to having a glass of water nearby if you feel faint.

5 Ways to Develop Positive Thinking

Not feeling well? Kind of blah and wishing you had something better to say about the day than a mumbled ‘fine’ when someone asks you how you are? The solution might be simpler than you think.

Our attitudes really are everything. When we’re not feeling great about our lives or how the day is going, everything can seem to go wrong. The problem is, life isn’t a steady thing. You might have one really good day followed by another equally bad. With so many things outside of your control from the weather to politics it might seem impossible to ever truly feel good about anything.

The answer lies in your thinking. By being able to think positively, you will find your entire outlook changes.

How do you develop the habit of positive thinking?

Rephrase

The obvious answer is to use more positive words. Instead of saying something negative, either out loud or in your head, try to find a better way to say things. For example, work isn’t grueling so much as it might have interesting challenges. While this might seem artificial and forced at first, the more you work to rephrase things, the easier it will be to find a more positive spin.

Reframe

How many times have you talked about ‘having’ to do something. This alone has a negative connotation, as though you’re being forced into something you don’t want to do. Instead trying to drop the word ‘have’ in this context, and try inserting ‘get’ instead. You don’t have to do a presentation by Friday. You get to do one. Hear the difference? This is how you change a task into an opportunity.

Reorient

Sure, disasters are going to happen. Not everything you attempt is going to turn out exactly the way you’d like it to. Rather than focus on the disaster, try changing your focus. It might be time to shift to a slightly different method or goal.

Relax

It’s so hard to be positive when you’re absolutely exhausted and feeling like you’re in over your head. Sometimes the best way to cultivate better self-talk is to cut yourself some slack and take a break. Things will look brighter when you can come back refreshed.

Reassess

Being positive should never be about closing your eyes to tragedy or injustice. Bad things are going to happen in the world. But someone with a positive attitude will be able to look beyond the tragedy to the next step. Positivity finds solutions where others only see problems. Here is the birth of activism and change.

How to Set Realistic Goals

Goal setting is essential for anyone who wants to build their dream life. Having clear goals helps you stay focused and motivated, track your progress, and measure success.

It’s also a great way to develop the self-discipline and consistency needed to make positive changes in your life.

When you set meaningful goals, they become easier to achieve because you have something tangible to work towards that will help you break bad habits or create new good habits. In addition, with goal setting, small successes add up over time, leading to big results in your transformation.

Setting goals is an important part of personal and professional growth, but it’s important to set realistic goals that are achievable and sustainable. Unrealistic goals inevitably lead to disappointment and a lack of motivation, while realistic goals provide a sense of accomplishment and direction.

Knowing when a goal is realistic is all about setting sensible expectations for yourself. Start by defining the goal, breaking it into achievable steps, and assessing how much time and effort each step will take.

Here are several strategies for setting realistic goals – leading to success and fulfillment.

Know Your Values

Before you set any goals, it’s important to identify your values and priorities. What is most essential to you in your personal and professional life? Aligning your goals with your values ensures that your goals are meaningful and fulfilling.

Identify Any Roadblocks

When you set goals that are within reach, it’s more likely that you will succeed in achieving them. Always consider any external factors that may impact on reaching your goal, such as finances or resources. Knowing this information will ensure that your goals are balanced and within reach.

Make Specific and Measurable Goals

Rather than setting vague goals like, “I want to be successful,” set specific and measurable goals that you can track your progress towards. For example, “I want to increase my income by 25% within the next year by finding a higher paying job or starting a side business.” Specific and measurable goals provide a clear direction and allow you to track your progress.

Make Sure Your Goals Are Attainable

It’s important to set goals that are challenging but also attainable. A goal that is too difficult or unrealistic is demotivating and leads to frustration. Consider your current resources and skills when setting goals, and make sure they are practical given your current circumstances.

Make Sure Your Goals Are Time Bound

Give yourself a timeline for achieving your goals. A timeline creates a sense of urgency and provides a deadline for reaching your goals. Having said that, make sure you give yourself enough time to achieve your goals rather than setting unrealistic deadlines that may lead to unnecessary stress.

Break Big Goals Down into Smaller Baby Steps

Large, long-term goals can seem daunting. To make your goals more manageable, break them down into smaller steps or tasks that you can work on consistently. This can help you progress towards your goals and feel accomplished.

Setting realistic goals is an important strategy for your personal and professional growth. To ensure your goals are realistic, identify your values and set specific and measurable goals that are attainable, with a sensible timeline that allows you to live a complete and mostly balanced life. And remember to be patient with yourself. Take time to celebrate your progress every step of the way. After all, that period when you’re doing the stuff to reach your goals is your life.